Bad News and Very Bad News

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results.They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 hours! That's terrible!! What could be worse?What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

4 Letters Words

Please excuse the "rough language" in the following story...

A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. "Well," said her mother, "so how was the honeymoon?"

"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language -- things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to take me home...,PLEASE MAMA!"

"Sara, Sara," her mother said, "calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?"

"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!"

"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset."

Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mama..., he used words like: dust, wash, iron, cook..."

"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said the mother.

Made Ugly Faces

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.

Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told ifthat I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

Our Life

Merried Life is full of exitement

Honors A Rabbi

A congregation honors a rabbi for twenty-five years of service by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all-expenses paid.

When he walks into his hotel room, there's a beautiful, nude girl lying on the bed.
She says, "Hi, Rabbi... I'm a little something extra that the president of the board paid for!"
The rabbi is incensed! He picks up the phone, calls the board president and says,
"Greenberg, where is your respect? I am the moral leader of our community! As your rabbi, I am very, very angry with you."

The girl gets up and starts to get dressed.
The rabbi turns to her and says, "Where are you going? I'm not angry with you."

Tide

People never remember to write in about the good things a product does, always the bad! So this is very refreshing!!

Dear Tide,

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! In fact, about a month ago while at home, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My husband started to berate me about my drinking problem and how expensive the blouse was. One thing lead to another and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse as well. I tried to get the stains out using the bargain detergent my cheap husband bought, but it just wouldn't come out. I went to the local convenience store and got a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and all of the stains came out! They came out so well, in fact, that the police's DNA tests were negative! I thank you, once again, for a great product! Well, gotta go, I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people

Sincerely,
Recently Widowed

Teacher-Student

Teacher: "Where were u born?"
Student: "Singapore, Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."
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A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?"
Only one hand shot up."Ok, answer, Joan," said the teacher.
"unlawful" is when u do something the law doesn't allow and "ill-egal" is a sick eagle."