Your Driver's License Tells It All

A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?" "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied. "It's not polite." "OK".

The little girl says, "How much do you weigh?" "Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?" "That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play. "My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend. "Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32." The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out? "I also know that you weigh 140 pounds." The mother is past surprised and shocked now.

"How in heaven's name did you find that out?" "And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce." "Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?" "Because you got an F in sex."

Lessons in Logic

If your father is a poor man,
it is your fate.
but if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity

I was born intelligent -education ruined me

Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect..... .
so why practice??

If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?

Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak

How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa

Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two women

Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in life

The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise

Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives

Never put off work till tomorrow
put it off today

"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep

There should be a better way to start a day
Than waking up every morning

"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk

"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours

God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.

The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know.
So.. why learn.

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station
what more can I say........stop working

Cell Phone GPS Tracker

This is interesting...

Just click on the link, enter someone's cell phone number, and the satellite map will show you where they are located.

It's called 'mobile phone tracker' and was first put to use to aid 911 responders.
Using a satellite map, track any connected mobile phone with coverage anywhere in the world.

Don't use any hyphens between the cell number. Enter 256-777-0000 as 2567770000.

Give it a try. Click this -> Cell Phone GPS Tracker

Who's better on the computer

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets!
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports
They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off..

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.

Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:

"It's gone! It's all GONE! "I lost everything when the power went out!"

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.

Satan observed this and became irate.

"Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"

God just shrugged and said,

JESUS SAVES