MEN

Barbie Doll

A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present.

He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager, "How much is that new Barbie in the window?"

The Manager replied, "Which one? We have

Barbie goes to the gym' for $19.95,
Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95,
Barbie goes shopping' for $19.95,
Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95,
Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19.95 and
Divorced Barbie' for $375.00."

"Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00 when all the others are $19.95?", the father asked.

The store manager replied: "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat, Ken's furniture and all of Ken's savings.‎​"

Learning Medicines

At school little Johnny's class is learning about medicines.

Sister Catherine, the teacher, asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for.

The first pupil said, 'Tylenol?"
"Very good! And what is it used for?"
"It is used for a headache."

The second pupil said, "Nytol."
''Excellent!" said Sister Catherine. "And what it is used for?"
"To help you sleep", replied the student.

Now it is Johnny's turn and he said, "Viagra."
"And what is it used for, Johnny?" asked the surprised Sister Catherine.
"It is used for diarrhea."
"And who told you this, Johnny?''
"Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father, Take a Viagra, and maybe that shit will get harder."

Bear Lion & Pig

When a bear, a lion and a pig meet...

Bear says: "if I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with fear."
Lion says: "if I roar in the jungle, the entire jungle is afraid of me."
Pig says: "big deal... I only have to cough, and the entire planet lives in fear."

And The Lord Spoke....

A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head...
In a booming voice, the Lord said,"Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time...

Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I, and all men, could understand our wives; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking, why she cries, what she means when She says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

Date to Marriage Phase

Three Answers Most Feared by Men

1. Whatever

Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don't want, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face
Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood no good, later I got diarrhea
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever..


2. Anything

Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie
Women: Watching movie no good, waste time only
Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise in such hot day? You not feel tire meh?
Men: Then find a café and have drink
Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: Anything


3. You decide

Men: Then we just go home
Women: You decide
Men: Let take bus, I will accompany you
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want
Men: Ok we will take Taxi
Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance
Men: Alright, then we walk. Take a slow walk
Women: What to walk with empty stomach woh?
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first
Women: Whatever...
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anything

(Look around... no one here, gonna kill her....)

Differences Between Wife n Girlfriend

Differences between Wife (WF) n Girlfriend (GF).
WF is a Harimau, GF is Hari Hari Mau.
And some say :
WF is like TV, GF is like HP.
At home watch TV, go out bring HP.
No money sell TV, Got money change HP.
Sometimes enjoy TV, but most of the time play with HP.
TV free for life but HP, if u don't pay, the services will be terminated.
TV is big, bulky n most of the time old, but HP is cute, slim, curvy n very portable at any time.
Operation cost for TV is often acceptable, but for HP is high n often demanding.
Last but not least, TV don't hv virus, but HP yes..hv virus, once get it, Habis lah...
So better choose TV. Upgrade to LCD or Plasma TV (Slim and Chun), less maintenance too.
Especially they are easy on the electricity bills.
It's good to be safe than sorry..