OFFICIAL NOTE FROM VATICAN
"Be all women informed that lying in bed, naked entangled with somebody and screaming "Oh My God, Oh My God, Oh My God" will not be considered PRAYING"
OFFICIAL NOTE FROM VATICAN
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Timmy & The Cat
The Teacher asks Timmy, "Why do you bring the cat to school today?". Timmy replies (crying), "I heard daddy telling mommy this morning: Baby, I'm gonna eat that pussy when the kids go to school!" =D :p
Green Pink Yellow
One day in a language school in Australia.
Teacher: “All right, now I’d like you to make a sentence using the words GREEN, PINK and YELLOW. Who’d like to try?”
A student raised his hand. It was Kukoya from Japan.
Kukoya: “Early this morning, I looked out the window, I saw the GREEN grass and PINK roses in the garden. I went outside and I feel the warm YELLOW sunlight around me.”
Teacher: “Not bad. Okay, who’s next?”
Another student raised his hand. It was Ah Beng from Somewhere.
Ah Beng: “I try! I try. Can aaah?”
Teacher: “No, no, not you!”
Ah Beng: “Aaaiiyaaa… let me try lah… I can do lah… you think I’m stupid meeh…?”
Teacher: “Okay… go ahead…”
Ah Beng: “This morning I heard the phone GREEEEEN… GREEEEEN… I PINK up and I said: YELLOOOOW?”
Teacher: “All right, now I’d like you to make a sentence using the words GREEN, PINK and YELLOW. Who’d like to try?”
A student raised his hand. It was Kukoya from Japan.
Kukoya: “Early this morning, I looked out the window, I saw the GREEN grass and PINK roses in the garden. I went outside and I feel the warm YELLOW sunlight around me.”
Teacher: “Not bad. Okay, who’s next?”
Another student raised his hand. It was Ah Beng from Somewhere.
Ah Beng: “I try! I try. Can aaah?”
Teacher: “No, no, not you!”
Ah Beng: “Aaaiiyaaa… let me try lah… I can do lah… you think I’m stupid meeh…?”
Teacher: “Okay… go ahead…”
Ah Beng: “This morning I heard the phone GREEEEEN… GREEEEEN… I PINK up and I said: YELLOOOOW?”
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Barbie Doll
A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present.
He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager, "How much is that new Barbie in the window?"
The Manager replied, "Which one? We have
Barbie goes to the gym' for $19.95,
Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95,
Barbie goes shopping' for $19.95,
Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95,
Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19.95 and
Divorced Barbie' for $375.00."
"Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00 when all the others are $19.95?", the father asked.
The store manager replied: "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat, Ken's furniture and all of Ken's savings."
He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager, "How much is that new Barbie in the window?"
The Manager replied, "Which one? We have
Barbie goes to the gym' for $19.95,
Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95,
Barbie goes shopping' for $19.95,
Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95,
Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19.95 and
Divorced Barbie' for $375.00."
"Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00 when all the others are $19.95?", the father asked.
The store manager replied: "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat, Ken's furniture and all of Ken's savings."
Learning Medicines
At school little Johnny's class is learning about medicines.
Sister Catherine, the teacher, asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for.
The first pupil said, 'Tylenol?"
"Very good! And what is it used for?"
"It is used for a headache."
The second pupil said, "Nytol."
''Excellent!" said Sister Catherine. "And what it is used for?"
"To help you sleep", replied the student.
Now it is Johnny's turn and he said, "Viagra."
"And what is it used for, Johnny?" asked the surprised Sister Catherine.
"It is used for diarrhea."
"And who told you this, Johnny?''
"Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father, Take a Viagra, and maybe that shit will get harder."
Sister Catherine, the teacher, asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for.
The first pupil said, 'Tylenol?"
"Very good! And what is it used for?"
"It is used for a headache."
The second pupil said, "Nytol."
''Excellent!" said Sister Catherine. "And what it is used for?"
"To help you sleep", replied the student.
Now it is Johnny's turn and he said, "Viagra."
"And what is it used for, Johnny?" asked the surprised Sister Catherine.
"It is used for diarrhea."
"And who told you this, Johnny?''
"Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father, Take a Viagra, and maybe that shit will get harder."
Bear Lion & Pig
When a bear, a lion and a pig meet...
Bear says: "if I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with fear."
Lion says: "if I roar in the jungle, the entire jungle is afraid of me."
Pig says: "big deal... I only have to cough, and the entire planet lives in fear."
Bear says: "if I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with fear."
Lion says: "if I roar in the jungle, the entire jungle is afraid of me."
Pig says: "big deal... I only have to cough, and the entire planet lives in fear."
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