Friday, August 10, 2007
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Bad News and Very Bad News
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results.They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 hours! That's terrible!! What could be worse?What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results.They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 hours! That's terrible!! What could be worse?What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
4 Letters Words
Please excuse the "rough language" in the following story...
A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. "Well," said her mother, "so how was the honeymoon?"
"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language -- things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to take me home...,PLEASE MAMA!"
"Sara, Sara," her mother said, "calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset."
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mama..., he used words like: dust, wash, iron, cook..."
"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said the mother.
A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. "Well," said her mother, "so how was the honeymoon?"
"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language -- things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to take me home...,PLEASE MAMA!"
"Sara, Sara," her mother said, "calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset."
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mama..., he used words like: dust, wash, iron, cook..."
"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said the mother.
Made Ugly Faces
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.
Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told ifthat I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told ifthat I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
Monday, June 18, 2007
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Honors A Rabbi
A congregation honors a rabbi for twenty-five years of service by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all-expenses paid.
When he walks into his hotel room, there's a beautiful, nude girl lying on the bed.
She says, "Hi, Rabbi... I'm a little something extra that the president of the board paid for!"
The rabbi is incensed! He picks up the phone, calls the board president and says,
"Greenberg, where is your respect? I am the moral leader of our community! As your rabbi, I am very, very angry with you."
The girl gets up and starts to get dressed.
The rabbi turns to her and says, "Where are you going? I'm not angry with you."
When he walks into his hotel room, there's a beautiful, nude girl lying on the bed.
She says, "Hi, Rabbi... I'm a little something extra that the president of the board paid for!"
The rabbi is incensed! He picks up the phone, calls the board president and says,
"Greenberg, where is your respect? I am the moral leader of our community! As your rabbi, I am very, very angry with you."
The girl gets up and starts to get dressed.
The rabbi turns to her and says, "Where are you going? I'm not angry with you."
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